“Look what you made me do.”

Victim blaming

Victim blaming is a pattern in which someone’s harmful choice is reframed as something the person affected caused or should have prevented.

Responsibility moves from the person who acted to the person who was harmed. The discussion becomes about what you should have done differently instead of what they chose to do.

You may replay your actions, apologize, avoid anything that could trigger another reaction or take responsibility for preventing someone else’s harmful choices. The question of what they did can disappear behind what you supposedly caused.

Context and each person’s contribution can be discussed honestly. That does not remove anyone’s responsibility for their own conduct. The distinction is whether circumstances add understanding—or are used to transfer responsibility for a harmful choice onto the person affected by it.

You do not need to decide what it is. You can note the date and what happened, and read it back later.

One moment rarely tells the whole story. Look at what repeats over time—and what happens when harm, disagreement or a boundary is named.