Patterns are descriptions, not verdicts
The library names observable behaviour so that repeated interactions are easier to recognise. It does not name what a person is, explain why they acted that way or decide what your relationship means.
A pattern describes conduct
A description starts with what could be seen, heard or recorded: what was said, what happened next and whether something similar returned.
It does not require a diagnosis, a personality label or certainty about somebody’s motive.
Repetition adds context
A disagreement, mistake or difficult day may look similar to part of a harmful pattern. What often tells us more is what happens across several interactions: whether there is room for discussion, accountability and repair.
Some single events can still be serious. The value of looking for repetition is not to minimise them, but to avoid turning every imperfect moment into the same conclusion.
Context can change the meaning
Disability, limited capacity, stress, unfamiliarity or a genuine skill gap may affect what someone can do. Boundaries, privacy, distance, blocking, documentation, support-seeking and reporting may also be reasonable ways to protect yourself.
The distinctions on each pattern page are there because similar-looking actions do not always function in the same way.
The relationship remains yours to interpret
The library can offer language and points of comparison. It cannot see the rest of the relationship, know what has not been recorded or choose what you should do next.
You may recognise one pattern, several, or none. Reading a page is not making a decision.
The aim is smaller and more practical: to make behaviour easier to notice, describe and revisit without turning the description into a judgement about a person.